


Just Dan

by omgdatphantho



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Language, M/M, Possible triggering chest dystopia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:36:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8546470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgdatphantho/pseuds/omgdatphantho
Summary: Dan is genderfluid and he likes Phil.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I want to make it clear that the way Dan acts in this story doesn’t apply to all gender fluid people. This is a work of fiction and needs to be viewed as such.
> 
> There's a scene where Dan is trying on clothes and this might possibly be triggering for image dystopia. Please tread carefully.

Morning light shines through the slates in the blinds illuminating the room. Dust particles dance in the sunbeams. The mood outside seems bright and cheerful. The mood in the room is anything but. Dan is standing still. He’s staring at his reflection in the full length mirror.

 

His hair hangs down over his ears with fringe swept across his left eye. He runs his fingers through it while watching the strands fall flatly. He squints his eyes as he rubs his cheeks with his hands in an attempt to bring them color. Dark circles have formed under his eyes due to lack of sleep. A frown adorns his face.

 

Dan lets his eyes wander down the rest of his body. His navy blazer is buttoned over his white shirt. They both feel tight and scratchy. The red tie around his neck feels like a snake constricting his breath. His black slacks feel as though they’re hitting him at all the wrong angles.

 

He catches the sight of his open closet door behind him. Amongst the dark colors of his every day clothes are splotches of color. A few are his other school uniforms. The rest are his other clothes. They are for days like today. Days when Dan doesn’t feel like a boy.

 

There are dresses, skirts, oversized t-shirts, leggings, and sweaters. They are in a wide variety of colors and some even match the colors in his underwear drawer. His eyes flicker over the colors rapidly. His skin itches with desire. All he wants to do is strip off his uniform and throw on an oversized sweater and a pair of leggings. However, he can’t. At least not right now.

 

Dan sighs and turns towards his dresser. He puts in his pink colored earrings and slides on his pink cat bracelet. Then, he turns towards the bed. He grabs his backpack and slips on his shoes. He walks past his closet and gives one last longing look to all his pretty clothes. He sighs yet again before shuffling out of his bedroom.

 

The house is dark and quiet. His parents are long gone. Dan sulks out of the house and down the road to school. The closer he gets to school, the more students fall into step around him. They are close, but not too close. Dan is not an outcast or a social pariah, but he is far from popular.

 

As he enters the school grounds, students and their conversations swarm around him. Dan keeps his head down and hunches his shoulders in on himself. His hand absentmindedly toying with the bracelet on his wrist. With eyes casted to the ground, he attempts to make his way into the school. He’s almost to the door when he bumps into another body.

 

“Oi! Watch where you’re going!” a voice cries.

 

Dan stumbles backwards; his whole body thrown off kilter. He looks up, but his apology dies on his lips. Piercing blue eyes and black hair cloud his vision. It would be just his luck that of all the students to run into, he had to run square into Phil Lester.

 

Phil Lester is basically everything Dan isn’t. He is popular, confident, and straight. He takes pleasure in bulling Dan for wearing pink and more feminine items. He started after Dan came to school wearing a pink sweater on one of their nonuniform days. Dan’s heart skips a beat at the sight of the boy. He can feel his face becoming red. Phil’s lips pull into a sneer at the sight of Dan.

 

“Look who it is boys. It’s Girly Boy.” Phil’s voice is jovial, but it turns Dan squirm. Phil’s group of cronies let out a laugh. Dan knows what’s coming next. Phil’s hand darts out and shoves his shoulder roughly. Then, it’s grabbed and he’s pulled so he’s face to face with Phil.

 

“I think you owe me an apology Girly Boy,” Phil says. From this position, Dan gets a good look at Phil’s near perfect face. He can smell the musky body wash that the boy uses and his stomach flutters.

 

“I’m sorry,” Dan squeaks out in a whisper. He’s jostled a bit before Phil pulls him back in front of him.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch that. Did you boys?” Phil asks, turning his head to look at the rest of the group. A few answers of no come from them. Dan forces himself to swallow. Phil turns his attention back to the boy in front of him.

 

“I’m sorry,” Dan says again, louder this time. Phil has a look of amusement on his face.

 

“You should be,” he says before roughly shoving Dan backwards. Dan topples to the ground and sits there staring up at the group. The boys share a laugh.

 

“Watch yourself next time,” Phil says before flashing Dan a smile that makes his heart melt. Than Phil wanders off to the school with his friends trailing behind him. They flash side glares in Dan’s direction before disappearing. Dan sighs and drops his head into his hands. He knows he got off pretty easy this time. He picks himself off the ground and heads towards his first class of the day.

 

Dan can’t remember what his teacher was rambling about in his first lesson. Or the second lesson for that matter. He stared out the window the whole time and thought about Phil. He knows that there is probably something wrong with him because he has a crush on his bully. He can’t help it though. Phil is extremely attractive and charismatic. Phil makes Dan’s heart flutter and his stomach do somersaults. It makes the bullying a bit more tolerable because it’s an excuse for Dan to be close to Phil.

 

Dan doesn’t see Phil again until the last period before lunch. He had the misfortunate literally running into Phil again. He was rounding a corner and wasn’t watching where he was going. He collided with someone. This time, he fell over completely. From his place on the ground, he hears the voice he dreams of every night.

 

“I guess someone didn’t learn their lesson,” the voice sneers. Dan feels his stomach drop and his face heat up. Slowly lifting his head, he finds Phil and two of his friends staring down at him.

 

Dan throws his arms around his head as a shoe comes towards his face. They get a couple of good kicks in before Dan is able to curl himself into a ball. Hard kicks and a couple of good stomps land on his back. Dan fights back the tears in his eyes because he knows it’s only going to make it worst.

 

Eventually, the kicking ends. Dan is hesitant to move from his position until he knows that they’ve gone. However, a hand grabs his hair and pulls his head up. Dan is once again face to face with Phil.

 

“Have you learned your lesson Girly Boy?” Phil asks. His warm breath hits Dan’s face with his every word. Dan nods his head. He can feel tears still pricking at his eyes and he doesn’t trust his voice. A hand slaps his face. The sting is prominent and Dan knows that there will be a mark for a while at least.

 

“I asked you a question Girly Boy. I expect an answer,” Phil grunts out.

 

“I’m sorry. Yes, I’ve learned my lesson,” Dan stutters out, his voice is shaky. Phil puts on his award winning smile and pats Dan’s cheek.

 

“Good boy.” With that, he drops Dan’s hair and stands up. He glances at the boy on the ground one more time and than leaves with his friends without a word. Dan stays on the ground a few more minutes until he’s sure that he can move again.

 

Dan gets up and slowly shuffles his way to the bathroom. He looks at his face in the mirror and can clearly see the slap mark. He lifts up his shirt and twists carefully so that he can see the already forming bruises on his back. Dan walks over to the side and carefully slides down the wall. He pulls his knees against his chest and drops his head down. He finally lets the tears fall.

 

When the bell rings for lunch, Dan stands up and moves to the sink. He splashes water on his face before wiping it off. His face is pale and it’s obvious he’s been crying. There is not a lot he can do about it now, so he just has to make due. He slips into the throng of students and lets his feet lead him to the cafeteria. After receiving his food, he takes a spot at one of the empty tables in the back.

 

Dan had been sitting there for about five minutes when a trays clatters down on either side of him. He didn’t need to look up to know who it would be. His two friends Chris and Pj take their places on either side of him.

 

“What happened to you?” Chris asks at the sight of the disheveled Dan. Pj looks on with concern.

 

“I had a couple of run ins with Phil,” Dan answers quietly. Chris and Pj share a raised eyebrow look with each other before turning their attention back to Dan.

 

“Are you okay?” Pj asks. Dan looks up at him and flashes a weak smile.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be alright.” Dan’s words lack confidence. He knows he will be alright, but right now all he wants to do is sleep. Chris and Pj silently agree to drop the subject. They know Phil is a weird topic for Dan because of the bullying and the crush. If they can avoid it, they do. They start talking about a variety of things and Dan’s only half listening until the subject of Saturday comes up.

 

“What about Saturday?” Dan asks while interrupting Chris. Both boys look at him. They’re just now realizing that he wasn’t really listening to them.

 

“The Fall Formal is this Saturday. It’s masquerade theme. Don’t you remember?” Chris asks. Dan searches his memories. He remembers hearing that the dance was coming up, but didn’t realize that it was so soon.

 

“Vaguely,” Dan answers.

 

“Well if you paid more attention to things other than Phil, than you would know.” Chris lets out a laugh, but stops short when he catches Pj glaring at him. Dan shoots him a look as well for good measure.

 

“Do you think you’re going to go?” asks Pj.

 

“I don’t know. I might,” Dan replies.

 

“Well we’re going. We could all go together,” Chris chimes in. Dan thinks it’s not a half bad idea. Dances aren’t really his thing, but he can always just hang out with Chris and Pj. Dan gives his friends a genuine smile.

 

“That’s a great idea. Lets plan on that.” The two boys nod in agreement. The three spend the rest of lunch coming up with a plan. They decide that Pj’s going to pick each of them up and then drive them to the dance since he’s the only one with a car. Lunch ends shortly after and they all head their separate ways.

 

The rest of the day goes by without any drama. Dan does a great job of avoiding Phil and makes it home in roughly one piece. He heard a few snide remarks about his earring choice, but was able to shrug them off. He quickly runs into his room and strips off his uniform. He throws on his comfiest leggings and sweater. She finally feels comfortable.

 

The rest of the night is a mix of homework, tumblr, and online window shopping. She’s decided to wear a dress to the dance. Dresses are among her favorite clothing. Even though she’s flatter than a prepubescent girl, she’s got amazing curves. The way her waist tapers in and it causes her hips to appear more flared then they already are. She loves the way that dresses accent her curves. She laid in the dark thinking over her day and dreaming of blue eyes.

 

The next day at school was more of the same. Dan showed up to lunch with more bruises curtesy of Phil. His friends look at him with a mix of pity and worry.

 

“What are you guys doing tonight?” Dan asks slightly interrupting Chris and Pj’s conversation. He hadn’t even realized that they were talking. His focus was across the cafeteria. He had been spacing out in a daydream while watching Phil. Phil was sitting at a table in the middle of the space surrounded by his friends. He’s laughing his infectious laugh and Dan would give anything to be the one making him laugh.

 

“I’m not doing anything. What about you Chris?” Pj responds.

 

“Nothing important. Why?” Chris asks. Dan turns his attention back to his friends.

 

“Do you guys want to go shopping with me? I need a new dress.” Chris and Pj know about him being gender fluid and have accepted him whole heartedly.

 

“Sure, I’m game,” says Chris.

 

“I’m in,” replies Pj. Dan smiles at them and glances off in Phil’s direction. Phil has stood up and is walking the opposite direction of Dan. Dan’s watching the way Phil’s hips are swinging and the bounce of his perfect ass. Dan unknowingly lets out a sigh and his friends share a look he doesn’t notice.

 

Dan managed to avoid Phil for the rest of the day; much to his disappointment and joy. Having a crush on his bully causes Dan to have many mixed feelings. On the one hand, he despises him for bullying him. On the other hand, he despises Phil for being too overly attractive.

 

He’s dressed in a long sleeve shirt and skinny jeans when Chris and Pj show up at his house. Fifteen minutes later, they find themselves wandering around the mall. They wander into one of Dan’s favorite stores and start clawing through the racks. Pj, Chris, and Dan are holding up various dresses in an attempt to figure out what Dan should try on. Dan’s holding a pale yellow dress against his body. He turns to ask the boys what they think about it when a voice cuts him off.

 

“Look who it is.” The voice resonates throughout the space. Dan’s face pales and he watches his friends’ eyes narrow into a glare. He slowly turns around while clutching the dress to his chest like a shield. Phil is standing about four feet away from the group.

 

“What do you want?” Pj asks. Dan is frozen in place with his voice caught in his throat. Phil saunters over to stop in front of Dan.

 

“Whatcha got there Girly Boy?” Phil eyes the dress clutched between Dan’s fingers.

 

“A dress,” Dan quietly answers. Phil lets out a low laugh.

 

“Of course Girly Boy would have a dress. Do you think that you could actually pull this off?” Phil asks in a condescending tone. Dan cast his eyes down and feels tears prick his eyes. He feels arms wrap around his shoulders.

 

“Why don’t you leave him alone?” Chris’s voice rings strong in Dan’s ear.

 

“Of course Girly Boy would have to have his boyfriend come to his rescue,” Phil shoots back.

 

“Just get out of here,” Chris replies. Dan glances up at Phil. He’s standing there with his feet apart, weight on his back leg, his arms crossed across his chest, and a sexy smirk on his face. Dan blushes and looks back down. Chris and Phil seem to be caught in a staring contest. Phil rolls his eyes and huffs.

 

“Whatever,” Phil says before turning on his heels and walking away. Chris pulls Dan into a hug and rubs his back. He pulls back and places his hands on Dan’s shoulders.

 

“Dan, look at me please.” Dan reluctantly pulls his face up to meet Chris’s gaze.

 

“Don’t listen to him. You’ll look amazing no matter what you wear.” Dan nods his head in begrudgingly. Chris wearily smiles at him.

 

“Come on. Let’s go try these on.” Chris grabs his arm and guides him towards the dressing room. Pj follows behind with the rest of the clothing. The boys eventually are able to cheer Dan up and he’s finds a dress that will work.

 

The group find themselves sat in the food court surrounded by their various bags. They’re sipping on smoothies and the conversation has lulled.

 

“I don’t know what you see in him,” Pj says randomly. Dan looks at him with a frown.

 

“What are you on about?” Dan asks.

 

“I’m talking about Phil. I don’t understand why you like him. What do you see in him anyway?” Dan pauses for a moment. It’s an honest question, but the answer is complicated.

 

“I just find him very attractive. He’s got an infectious personality,” Dan says slightly half heartedly. It’s not easy to put his conflicting feelings into words. Dan thinks back to all the moments he’s shared with Phil in class. Phil is intelligent, witty, and has this laugh that Dan just wants to wrap himself in. Pj shakes his head and Chris rolls his eyes. They’ve been down this road with Dan before. They believe Dan is so blinded by his desire that he can’t see that Phil isn’t good for him.

 

“He’s not very nice. He bullies you. You need to forget him and move on,” Chris attempts to once again drill it into Dan’s thick skull. However, the boys have learned that Dan won’t listen to reason when it comes to Phil. That doesn’t mean that they won’t try to help their beloved friend. Dan shakes his head.

 

“I know, but it’s fine. He just doesn’t understand. That’s why he lashes out at me,” Dan says defensively. Chris holds up his hands in surrender. Pj shakes his head and sigh. They decide to drop it for now.

 

Saturday comes before Dan knows it. Dan’s showered and has straightened her hair. She’s pinned it back with a few bobby pins. Her make-up is immaculate. She has dangly silver earrings in that matches her silver necklace. Her dress is deep red with a thick black strap under her chest. The dress tapers in at the waist and flares out in a flowing skirt that hits about mid thigh. She’s wearing nylons and black ballet flats.

 

Dan likes the fact that puberty has kind of forgotten him. Her flat chest isn’t as noticeable as it could be. She really looks like an underdeveloped girl. However, as she looks in the mirror, Dan feels pretty. She grabs her black shrug, her mask, and makes her way downstairs.

 

The doorbell rings right as she reaches the last step. She opens the door to find Chris standing on the front step. Dan watches as Chris scans him up and down.

 

“You look beautiful,” Chris beams at her. Dan blushes.

 

“Thank you,” she replies shyly. Chris sticks out his arm and Dan links her arm through his. Chris leads them to the car and opens the door so Dan can slide in. Pj gives her the once over and smiles.

 

“Looking good Dan,” he says while waiting for Chris to get in the car. Dan smiles back at him. Roughly twenty minutes later, the boys find themselves standing in the transformed gymnasium. The overhead lights are low so the lights from the dj booth seem brighter.

 

Groups of people clump around the edges. There are a few groups dancing, but most are standing around and talking for now.Everyone blurs together due to lack of lights and the fact that they’re all wearing masks.

 

Dan, Chris, and Pj make their way over to the refreshment table. They grab drinks handed to them by one of the teachers who are supervising and they make their way to the bleachers on the side. They find an open area and settle in to people watch.

 

Dan can see the guys eyeing her, but she’s not interested. There’s only one guy that she has her eye on tonight, but he hasn’t made an appearance yet.

 

“We’re gonna go dance. Do you want to join us?” Pj leans over and asks in Dan’s ear. Dan shakes his head no. Chris and Pj walk off leaving Dan to scan the crowd. Dan is scanning the gym for what felt like the hundredth time when she spots him. Even though he’s wearing a mask, Dan would recognize Phil’s tall stature and dark hair anywhere.

 

Dan watches Phil scan the room out of the corner of her eye.His face seems to stop in Dan’s general direction. Dan looks at him and catches Phil starting at her. Phil smiles her and Dan quickly looks away. Phil turns towards his friends and appears to say something. Then, he makes his way over in Dan’s direction.

 

Phil stops right in front of Dan. He looks her up and down. Dan smiles coyly at Phil. Phil smiles wide and his eyes twinkle with joy. He likes what he sees.

 

“Hey cutie,” Phil whisper shouts into Dan’s ear. The music is loud enough that it makes it hard to hear each other well. Dan’s thankful for the low lighting so that Phil can’t see the blush on her cheeks.

 

“Hey yourself,” Dan replies back trying to keep her cool. Phil sits down right next to Dan so that they are fleshed against one another. Phil runs his fingers lightly up Dan’s arm. Dan shudders internally under his touch.

 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. You go here right?” Phil asks.

 

“Oh I go here. I’ve seen you around. You might not remember me,” Dan replies.

 

“I must not have seen you before because I would definitely remember you. I think you’re really beautiful,” Phil says boldly. Dan feels her blush deepens.

 

“Thanks. I think you’re pretty handsome yourself.” Dan replies boldly. She attempts to reply with an even tone. Her heart is pounding so hard in her chest. She’s surprised that Phil can’t hear it over the music. Phil lifts his hand and cups Dan’s chin. Dan looks up into Phil’s swirling, blue eyes.

 

“Wow. You’re eyes are amazing,” Phil whispers. Dan can barely hear him.

 

“Too yours. I mean you too. No wait-.” Phil ended Dan’s rambling with a kiss. It was soft, sweet, and delicate. Phil pulled back and looked into Dan’s eyes. A smile spread across his face. Dan leans forward to kiss him again. This kiss is a little more heated and forceful than the last one.

 

After a few minutes of making out, Phil pulls back. He stands up and holds his hand out. Dan grabs his hand and allows Phil to pull her along. Phil walks them out of the gym and down a deserted hall. He finds an open and empty classroom. He pulls Dan inside and shuts the door behind them.

 

Phil pushes Dan against the nearest wall and attacks her with his lips. His hands are cupping her face. Dan’s running her hands all over Phil’s body. She’s letting herself go and enjoy this moment. Yes Phil is her bully, but he wants her right now. She’s willing to let him have her.

 

Phil is working his mouth down Dan’s neck. He’s leaving a trail of bruises in his wake. Dan is moaning out as Phil’s hands begin to wander her body. Phil slides his hand down Dan’s stomach and goes to cup her crotch. Suddenly, everything comes to a halt. Dan opens her eyes when she feels Phil’s lip pull away from her neck.

 

In front of her stands Phil with one hand seemingly glued to Dan’s crotch and eyes wide. Dan furrows her brows at Phil’s reaction. Phil is blinking his eyes rapidly as though his mind is racing.

 

“What’s wrong?” Dan asks. Her voice is laced with confusion. Phil pulls his hand away and takes a step back.

 

“What is that?” Phil asks shakily. Dan tilts her head to the side and furrows her brow even more.

 

“What are you talking about?” Dan asks with confusion.

 

“In your underwear. Is that what I think it is?” Phil asks quietly. Dan casts her eyes downward.

 

“If you were thinking that it’s a penis, than you would be correct,” Dan says in a whisper. Phil’s eyes grow wide in shock. He apparently didn’t want to believe in reality, but there is no denying now when Dan’s confirmed it.

 

“You’re wearing a dress though,” Phil stutters out.

 

“I am aware,” Dan replies coldly. She crosses her arms across her chest and can feel her heart sinking.

 

“So you’re trans or something?” Phil asks.

 

“No, I’m just Dan,” says Dan.

 

“You’re what? Who?” Phil asks confused.

 

“My name is Dan. I’m gender fluid. Nothing more and nothing less. I’m just me.” Dan watches the words slowly wash over Phil. Recognition flashes across his face.

 

“Girly Boy?” Phil asks hesitantly.

 

“One and the same Phil.” Dan removes his mask and allows Phil to take a good look at him. Phil’s face pales at the sight of Dan. Dan forces herself not to look away from Phil. Even though every fiber of her being is screaming for her to do so. Phil slowly starts backing away with his hands held up in front of his chest.

 

“I’m-I’m not gay,” Phil stutters out. Dan gives him a sad half smile.

 

“Apparently,” Dan says. His voice sounds so downtrodden. Phil’s still backing away when he feels his arm scrap across the door and he grabs onto the handle. With one last look, he yanks it open and hurries out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make it clear that the way Dan acts in this story doesn’t apply to all gender fluid people. This is a work of fiction and needs to be viewed as such.

Dan watches the door close behind the fleeting figure. The sound of the door shutting seems to echo throughout the room. She hangs her head. Tears had been pricking her eyes and they begin to spill over. She cries for a few minutes before wiping her face. She knows that she has to leave the classroom eventually; that she can’t hide in there forever. 

 

She trudges slowly towards the door. She makes her way slowly out of the classroom and back towards the gym. Dan is about to open the door when a voice calls out to her.

 

“Dan?!” the voice shouts. Dan’s hand is hovering over the handle. She doesn’t lift her head, but she does drop her hand. A figure runs up to her and a hand claps over her shoulder. She finds herself spun to face the figure. She lifts her head to find herself face to face with a relieved looking Chris.

 

“Where did you go off to? We were so worried. We’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Chis spits out before pulling Dan flush against his body. Dan doesn’t react. Her body feels numb and she feels emotionally exhausted. Chris pulls back and places his hands on each of her shoulders.

 

“Are you okay?” he asks softly. Dan doesn’t say anything, but Chris watches as her face falls more. Chris frowns and feels his heart ache.

 

 _“Dan? What happened to you?”_ Chris shakes the thought out of his head.

 

He pulls Dan into another hug and slips his hand into his pocket to grab his phone. Dan hears him talking to someone. His voice sounds distant in her ears.

 

A few minutes later, another person joins them. Chris finally releases Dan from his embrace. Dan is vaguely aware that Pj has joined them and is trying to talk to her. She can’t focus on either of her friends right now. She’s replaying the night over and over in her head.

 

 _“I’m-I’m not gay,”_ the voice of Phil says on repeat.

 

They give up trying to talk to her and fall silent. Dan lets her friends lead her away from the school. They experience an extremely quiet as neither boy knows what to say to Dan. They don’t know what happened and it seems to them that she doesn’t want to talk about it.

 

Pj pulls into Dan’s driveway. He turns off the car and they sit there in silence for a few moments until he speaks up.

 

“Dan, do you want us to come in with you?” Pj offers hesitantly. Dan shakes her head. She takes a couple of deep breaths.

 

“No. I’ll talk to you guys later.” Her voice sounds meek and it’s barely audible. Both boys nod their head. Dan unfurls herself from the front seat and shuffles to the door. The boys wait until she’s inside before they start the car and head towards their respective homes.

 

Dan slowly walks her way up to her room. She pulls off her clothes not caring where they’ve fallen. By the time she flops down on her bed, she’s only clad in her underwear. She grabs her comforter and wraps herself up like a burrito. Once she feels she is hidden from the world, she lets the tears fall. They’re the tears that she’s been holding back since she left the classroom. 

 

She buries her head in the blankets and her pillows while she sobs. She sobs for feeling foolish for thinking that Phil could really like her back. She sobs for giving Phil her first kiss. She sobs because she can feel her broken heart bleeding. Dan lays crying until eventually sleep overtakes her and she drifts off into a dreamless slumber.

 

Across town, two boys lay in their respective beds texting each other over mutually worrying about their friend.

 

**To: Chris**

**What happened?**

 

**To: Pj**

**I have no clue. I saw her heading towards the gym and called her name. She stopped and when I reached her she looked extremely upset.**

 

**To: Chris**

**Poor Dan. Did she say anything?**

 

**To: Pj**

**No. She didn’t talk until what she said before she left the car.**

 

**To: Chris**

**I bet Phil had something to do with it.**

 

**To: Pj**

**I wouldn’t be surprised, but why do you say that?**

 

**To: Chris**

**He ran passed me while we were looking for Dan. He seemed really weird and like he couldn’t get out fast enough.**

 

**To: Pj**

**Maybe. But that doesn’t prove anything. He could have just really wanted to leave or something. We’ll have to wait for Dan to tell us.**

 

**To: Chris**

**Yes we will.**

 

Dan woke up late the next day. The sun was already high in the sky and streaming full force through his blinds. He forgot to shut the blinds fully the night before and now he’s paying for it dearly.

 

He felt as though he was hungover. His body was stiff and ache from the less than desirable position he slept in. His head was pounding and he felt as though he really hadn’t slept a wink. He peels himself out from under the blanket and slowly gets up.

 

Dan pulls on a pair of tack bottoms and shuffles down the hall to his bathroom. He opens the medicine cabinet and pulls out the aspirin bottle. He taps out two tablets and downs them with water from the cup he keeps next to the sink. He starts the shower and removes what little clothing he’s wearing.

 

Once the shower is warm enough, he steps under the spray. He lets the water roll over his sore body. The warm water does wonders to help his sore muscles. Dan can feel the tension in his back slipping down the drain. He quickly works through his routine and exits the shower. He wraps a towel around his waist, grabs his clothes off the floor, and makes his way to his room.

 

After closing the blinds, Dan finds himself standing in front of his mirror. A few dark bruises lay on his neck courtesy of Phil’s lips. He brings his hand up and lightly touches them. The feeling of Phil’s mouth and hands on his body come back to him. He can feel his throat constrict and he forces himself to breath.

 

Dan knows that he will have to cover them up for school tomorrow. Luckily, he has makeup. He pulls on a pair of sweats and a sweater that covers a few of the lower hickies. He flips on his tv and climbs back into bed.

 

Dan glances at his phone and notices that he has a few missed calls. Upon unlocking his phone, he discovers a few texts as well. All are from Chris and Pj. They’re checking in on him and letting him know that they’re here for him if he wants to talk. Dan sighs to himself and locks his phone. He settles down into his blankets and attempts to lose himself in anime. It works for a while, but Dan still cries himself to sleep later that night.

 

Dan reluctantly gets out of bed the next morning and pulls on his uniform. He stands in front of his mirror once again. His eyes are puffy from crying. Deep, purple semi circles are under his eyes. They match the marks on his neck. His skin appears pale. Well, more pale than he is usually. He runs his hand through his untamed curls. Dan can’t bring himself to care whether his hair is straightened or not today. With a sigh, he leaves to head to school.

 

He solemnly walks to school with his head hung low. The sky is overcast and Dan feels as though it represents his mood perfectly. He doesn’t look up until he’s in front of the school. No one is paying attention to him. He doesn’t see Phil or his gang either which is a plus. Dan isn’t really ready to face Phil yet. With a silent sigh, Dan walks into the building.

 

“Dan!” Dan hears a voice call out his name just as he opens his locker. Chris stops next to him a moment later. Dan looks up at him with an expressionless face.

 

“You look like shit,” Chris blurts out. He clamps his hand over his mouth. Dan weakly shrugs in response.

 

“I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I mean you do, but I shouldn’t have said anything.” Chris babbles on for a minute until another voice cuts him off.

 

“Shut up Chris. You’re just making it worse.” Chris jumps and lets out a slight yelp as Pj’s hand comes down on his shoulder. Dan turns to look at his other friend who is giving him a sympathetic look.

 

“Are you okay?” Pj asks in a quiet voice. Dan again shrugs weakly in response. Both Pj and Chris nod their head in understanding. The warning bell rings and people scuttle off towards their first classes of the day.

 

“I’ll see you guys at lunch,” Dan says quietly before shutting his locker and turning away. The boys watch him walk down the hallway before he disappears inside a classroom. They turn on their heels and book it to their classroom. Once their seated, Pj pulls out a piece of paper. He scribbles on it before handing it to Chris.

 

**Pj: Poor Dan.**

 

**Chris: I know. He seems really torn up.**

 

**Pj: It has to be about Phil.**

 

**Chris: How do you figure?**

 

**Pj: He clearly has a broken heart. Obviously that can only mean Phil.**

 

**Chris: It could be something else.**

 

**Pj: True, but it’s too coincidental. He disappears off to god knows where during the dance. I see Phil acting like he’s running from something. Then, Dan turns up all upset. They have to have been together.**

 

**Chris: I can see that. Maybe that’s what happened. Hopefully Dan will tell us at lunch.**

 

**Pj: I hope so too.**

 

Lunch time came sooner than anyone expected. Dan hadn’t seen Phil all morning and that was perfectly fine with him. If he was honest with himself, seeing Phil would probably send him sobbing again. He folds his arms on top of the table and lets his head drop on them. Pj and Chris sit down on either side of him a few minutes later.

 

“Are you not eating?” Chris asks at the sight of his friend.

 

“No,” Dan mumbles out from under his arms. Pj rubs his back.

 

“It’s going to be okay. Do you want to talk about it?” Dan thinks for a moment. It’s been two days since the dance and they were his best friends. He owed them an explanation. Dan lifts his head and looks at his friends.

 

“I’ll tell you guys after school. You guys can come over.” HIs voice was slightly hoarse from disuse and all the crying he had done. The boys nod in agreement and the table falls silent for the rest of lunch.

 

It’s the end of the day and Dan is stood by his locker waiting for his friends. The hall is mostly empty due to the fact that they’re taking forever to come retrieve him. Dan hears shoes click upon the floor and lifts his head to look in the direction of the noise. He expects one of his friends to be coming around the corner, but he’s not so lucky.

 

Phil takes two steps around the corner and stops dead in his tracks. His eyes are wide and locked with Dan. Dan feels his breath catch and his heart go into overdrive. Phil blinks at him a few times before turning around and sprinting down the hallway. Dan watches him leave until he’s out of sight. Then, Dan remembers to breath. Chris and Pj find Dan staring off down the hallway a few minutes later.

 

“Dan? Are you okay?” Chris asks as he gently pushes Dan’s shoulder. Dan shakes his head and snaps out of his trance.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s go.” The boys fall instep and make their way to Pj’s car. A short time later, they arrive at Dan’s house. The boys follow Dan into the house and up to his room. Dan settles against the headboard. Chris sits on the end of the bed and Pj sits in Dan’s office chair. They wait in silence as Dan collects his thoughts.

 

“I owe you guys an explanation,” Dan starts.

 

“Well duh,” Chris interrupts Dan.

 

“Shush,” Pj scolds Chris and swats his hand at the boy. Chris dips his head in apology.

 

“You guys remember at the dance when you two went off to dance?” They both nod in remembrance.

 

“Well Phil came over to talk to me.” Both boys feel their breaths catch for a moment. Pj shoots Chris a quick look that said “I told you” when Dan wasn’t looking. Dan closes his eyes and takes a couple deep breaths before continuing.

 

“He was being sweet and he kept complimenting me. He told me how pretty I look and he made me feel so special. We kissed.” Both Pj and Chris’s mouthes fell open in surprise. Neither could say anything, so Dan took the opportunity to continue.

 

“He led me to a classroom and we continued making out. Things got kind of heated.” Different unpleasant scenarios ran through both Pj and Chris’s minds.

 

“When-,” Dan’s voice cracks. He feels as though he’s going to cry again. He takes a deep breath before continuing. “When he ran his hand down my body, he felt my bulge. He freaked out. He accused me of being a tranny. I told him that I’m genderfluid and who I was. He told me he wasn’t gay and then he left. I cried for a bit, then went to go find you guys. That’s when Chris found me.” Silence settles over the room as Dan finishes his tale. It’s a few minutes before anyone spoke.

 

“I’m so sorry Dan,” Chris says before enveloping the boy in a crushing hug. Pj moves from the chair and joins in the hug. Dan begins to cry as he’s smothered in his friend’s affection. Pj begins to rub Dan’s back as they sit in their hug.

 

Dan sniffs a few times before pulling back and breaking away from his friends’ embraces. He gives them a weak smile.

 

“It’s going to be alright. I’m sorry that he rejected you, but it will be okay,” Pj says quietly. Chris nods in agreement and Dan in understanding.

 

“I know it will. It just hurts though. I really liked him,” Dan response weakly. Both of the boys nod their heads.

 

“He wasn’t right for you. Give it some time. Before you know it, you’ll find someone who likes every part of you,” Chris says with a smile. Dan half smiles back at him. Dan has expressed to both of them his fear of never finding someone who accepts him as genderfluid. He knows that Chris is right. Right now though, his heart hearts.

 

“My heart feels like it got stomped on though,” Dan whispers as his face falls.

 

“They wouldn’t call it a crush if it felt wonderful all the time,” Chris says with a cheeky smirk. Pj rolls his eyes and Dan lets out a small laugh.

 

“Are you going to be alright?” Pj asks. Dan looks at him.

 

“Yeah. Eventually I will anyway. Thanks for being here for me,” Dan answers. They sit there talking about nothing in particular for a while longer until both Pj and Chris have to head home. Dan does feel a lot better after talking to them. He knows that they care greatly for him and he’s grateful for them.

 

The rest of the week passes by in a blur. Dan stops crying and seems to be working his way out of his funk. Pj and Chris are happy for him. They hope that he can move on from this and find someone way better than Phil Lester.

 

Dan doesn’t see much of Phil for the rest of the week. Phil’s purposely been avoiding Dan. He’s embarrassed about making out with a boy. He’s straight after all and shouldn’t have enjoyed it as much as he did. He can’t figure out if he enjoyed it because he thought Dan was a girl or because Dan was a great kisser.

 

Dan is coming back from music at the end of the day on Friday. He’s making his way to his locker and is in a pretty empty area of the school. It’s the wing where all the elective classes are held. He’s rounding the corner, lost in his own world, when he runs into someone. Dan reaches out towards the wall to stop himself from tumbling on the floor.

 

“Sorry,” he says quietly. He lifts his head and finds himself staring into a pair of piercing, blue eyes. Dan’s breath catches as his eyes sweep over the rest of the person’s face. He’s face to face with Phil Lester. His first reaction is to protect himself, but he’s frozen in place.

 

Someone bumps into Phil and sends him stumbling backwards. He’s mumbling about people needing to watch where they’re going before he hears the other person speak. The voice makes his blood run cold. He lifts his head and finds himself face to face with Dan. He opens his mouth to say something, but the words don’t come out.

 

“Phil,” Dan whispers.

 

“Dan,” Phil whispers back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil’s perspective of the events of the first two parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to make it clear that the way Dan acts in this story doesn’t apply to all genderfluid people. This is a work of fiction and needs to be viewed as such.

The sun isn’t very high in the sky and yet, it’s already turning into a warm day. Phil’s standing with his friends, waiting for school to start. He’s not paying attention to them though. He’s drifting off in his own little world. His thoughts are suddenly interrupted by someone running into him.

 

“Oi! Watch where you’re going!” Phil shouts out in a startled manner. He turns around to find himself looking at Dan. Girly Dan with his preference for pink. Phil pulls his mouth into a smirk.

 

“Look who it is boys. It’s Girly Boy,” Phil says with jubilation. Phil’s friends let out a laugh. Dan seems to squirm at Phil’s words. He smiles a little wider. Phil’s hand darts out and shoves Dan’s shoulder roughly. Dan shuffles back a few steps.A moment later, he grabs the boy’s shoulder and pulls him close to his face.

 

“I think you owe me an apology Girly Boy,” Phil says. Dan doesn’t say anything right away. He seems to just be staring at Phil. Phil mentally frowns for a moment, but Dan speaks up.

 

“I’m sorry,” Dan squeaks out in a whisper. He’s so quiet that Phil barely hears him. He’s not going to let the boy go without a proper apology.

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t quite catch that. Did you boys?” Phil asks, turning his head to look at his friends. He hears a few answers of no. Phil turns his attention back to Dan.

 

“I’m sorry,” Dan says again, louder this time. Phil smiles instead of smirking this time. 

 

“You should be,” Phil says before roughly shoving Dan backwards. Phil watches as Dan falls to the ground. He feels a hint of concern, but the moment passes as soon as he hears his friends laughing. He joins in with them. 

 

“Watch yourself next time,” Phil says with a smile. Phil looks at his friends and nods his head towards the school. They nod their heads in agreement and fall in line behind him. He leads the group towards their first classes of the day.

 

Phil doesn’t think about Dan again until later in the day. Okay, he tries not to think about Dan until later in the day. He can’t get the imagine of Dan looking so small and helpless sitting on the ground.

 

Phil frowns at himself. Since when has he thought of Dan as small and helpless? Never is the answer. Phil doesn’t usually pay him any mind unless the boy runs into him or he’s bored. Phil tries his hardest to push Dan out of his head, but the boy is lingering in the depths of his brain.

 

Phil’s basically forgot about his run in with Dan earlier in the day by the time he sees him again. He’s walking down the hall with Gary and Joe trailing slightly behind him. He collides with someone just before he’s about to turn the corner. The other person tumbles to the ground. Phil looks down to see Dan sitting below him. Of course it has to be him. Phil just shakes his head and opens his mouth to speak.

 

“I guess someone didn’t learn their lesson,” Phil sneers. His voice comes out a little harsher than he intended, but he doesn’t care. He’s over this boy’s existence today.

 

Phil watches Dan lift his head and look at the group. Gary and Joe move in front of Phil. They start kicking Dan. Dan curls up into himself. Phil watches as his friends stomp the boy a few times while kicking him.

 

Phil doesn’t want to participate. He’s bored, over this situation, and doesn’t see the appeal of kicking people. Yes, he will shove them occasionally, but there’s a line. Phil pulls his friends back off of Dan. They stand there waiting for the boy’s next move. Dan doesn’t move, so Phil decides to help him with it. He grabs Dan’s hair and pulls his head up.

 

“Have you learned your lesson Girly Boy?” Phil asks. Dan nods his head. Phil would rather have a vocal answer. He slaps Dan’s face. It sounds like it hurts.

 

“I asked you a question Girly Boy. I expect an answer,” Phil grunts out. He’s done and just wants to move on. However, he’s come so far in this interaction that he has to see it through to the end.

 

“I’m sorry. Yes, I’ve learned my lesson,” Dan stutters out, his voice is shaky. Phil smiles with relief. Dan has answered and he can finally move on.

 

“Good boy.” Phil drops Dan’s hair and watches the boy crumble onto the ground. He glances at him one last time before heading off to class. Gary and Joe laugh about the moment all the way, but Phil tunes them out.

 

He sits in class and allows the scene to replay in his mind. Dan looked and acted scared. However, there seemed to be another look in his eyes. One that Phil can’t quite put his finger on.

 

The next day, Phil’s heading through the mall on his way to meet his friend Aaron when something catches his eye. Through a shop window, he can see three familiar heads of hair. He stops for a moment. The trio seems to be dress shopping. A strong urge to comment on the act overtakes him. He allows his feet to carry him inside the shop.

 

Phil slows the closer that he gets to the group. He watches as they comb through the racks and hold up various dresses. They seem to be having fun. A ghost of a smile flashes across Phil’s face. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head before making his presence known to the group.

 

“Look who it is,” Phil says rather loud. The figure directly in front of him stills. Phil can feel the heat of two pairs of eyes on him. However, he’s only focused on the turned figure.

 

Phil watches Dan turn around. The boy is holding a yellow dress in front of him like it’s some sort of shield. Phil smiles at the sight. Mentally though, he’s frowning. He wasn’t aware that Dan was that scared of him.

 

“What do you want?” Pj asks. Phil ignores the question and moves to stop in front of Dan.

 

“Whatcha got there Girly Boy?” Phil asks while staring at the dress Dan’s holding. 

 

“A dress,” Dan quietly answers. Phil lets out a low laugh.

 

“Of course Girly Boy would have a dress. Do you think that you could actually pull this off?” Phil asks in a condescending tone. The words tumble out of his mouth before he can stop them. Phil sees Dan look away with tears in his eyes. He watches as Chris comes up and wraps his arm around Dan in protection.

 

“Why don’t you leave him alone?” Chris asks angrily.

 

“Of course Girly Boy would have to have his boyfriend come to his rescue,” Phil shoots back. He’s irritated. Chris didn’t have to step into the middle of his conversation with Dan. He adjusts so that he’s standing there with his feet apart, weight on his back leg, and his arms crossed across his chest. Phil can feel his lips naturally pull into a smirk.

 

“Just get out of here,” Chris replies. Chris is glaring at him and Phil decides to glare back. The air is thick with tension as they hold each others gaze. Phil doesn’t have time for these games. He rolls his eyes and huffs.

 

“Whatever,” Phil says before turning on his heels and walking away.

 

Phil makes his way out of the store and towards the food court. He tries to push the previous interaction to the back of his mind. He’s not sure what possessed him to poke at Dan. He can’t help himself. Every time he sees the boy, his heart clenches and he feels the need to lash out at him.

 

Aaron is already seated with a smoothie in front of him. Phil quickly secures one for himself and makes his way over to the table. He settles into the seat across from the boy.

 

Phil and Aaron have been friends forever. They lived next door to each other until Aaron’s family moved to the next town over. Since then, they’ve made a point of meeting up at the mall now and again just to hang out.

 

“Hey man,” Aaron greets Phil once he’s settled.

 

“Hey,” Phil responds.

 

“You’re late,” Aaron says with fake anger. Phil rolls his eyes.

 

“Yeah. I got held up,” Phil says nonchalantly.

 

“What happened?” asks Aaron. Phil recounts his encounter with Dan and his friends. Aaron stays silent the entire time.

 

“Isn’t that the kid that you kept having runs in with a few days ago?” Aaron asks after Phil finishes his tale. Phil nods his head.

 

“Yes it is. He seems to be everywhere I am these days,” Phil says.

 

“Maybe he likes you. Maybe he’s purposely running into you,” Aaron theorizes. Phil frowns. He has noticed Dan a lot more lately and the boy seems not entirely afraid of him. Flustered is a better word to describe his demeanor around Phil.

 

“I don’t think he does,” Phil says after a moment of silence. Aaron shoots him a side eyed look.

 

“Maybe you like him. Maybe that’s why you’re seeing him more,” Aaron guesses. Phil chocks on his smoothie. He coughs and hits his chest a few times.

 

“No way in hell do I like Girly Boy. I like girls,” Phil whisper shouts defensively. Aaron holds his hands up in defeat.

 

“I’m not say you do. I’m just joking man. No reason to rip my head off,” Aaron says quietly. Phil’s face softens. He really shouldn’t be so defensive. He apologizes to Aaron and they move on from the subject of Dan.

 

Later that night, Phil lays wide awake in bed. He replays his conversation with Aaron. He doesn’t believe that Dan has a crush on him. Why would he? Phil’s never really been nice to him.

 

Phil’s reluctant to go down the path of Aaron’s other theory. It’s preposterous to think that he would have a crush on Dan. Just because he’s run into the boy more often is just a coincidence. They’re in the same grade and live in the same town; they’re bound to run into each other. The fact that his heart tightens at the sight of the boy is just a weird coincidence as well. Right?

 

The next day, he’s sat at his lunch table bored out of his mind. His friends are animatedly talking about the dance this coming Saturday. Phil doesn’t really want to attend. He doesn’t have a date and dances actually bore him.

 

“Are you going?” Joe asks him, pulling him out of his own head.

 

“Hmm? To the dance?” Phil asks, slightly confused if that’s still the topic of discussion.

 

“Of course. Where else would we be going?” Joe teases with a laugh. Phil gives him a tight lipped grin.

 

“Yeah. I’m going,” Phil responds flatly.

 

“Do you have a date?” asks Gary from the other side of Joe. Phil shakes his head.

 

“Nope, but I’m sure I’ll find a cutie there,” Phil answers. His response causes the entire table to bust out in laughter. Phil sits with a smile on his face.

 

Phil walks into the dance surrounded by his friends. He’s wearing a black tie, a white shirt, and a pair of black slacks along with a dark mask. He’s feeling pretty confident in his outfit.

 

He scans the room in hopes of finding a date. After a few minutes, he sees her. She’s sat at the end of bleachers by herself. She looks to be wearing a dark colored dress, but Phil’s not too sure because of how low the lights are.

 

Due to her mask, Phil can’t get a good look of her face. Though, he likes what he sees so far. Phil turns to his friends who are standing around debating between drinks and dancing.

 

“I’ll catch up with you guys later,” Phil yells over the music. He receives a few nods of acknowledgment. They’ll figure out where he went eventually. Phil turns away from the group and heads towards the girl.

 

Phil stops right in front of Dan. He looks her up and down. She smiles coyly at Phil. Phil smiles wide. He likes what he sees.

 

“Hey cutie,” Phil whisper shouts into her ear. The music is loud enough that it makes it hard to hear each other well. Phil watches a blush creep onto her face. He pretends not to notice it, but he finds it cute anyways. 

 

“Hey yourself,” She replies. Phil sits down right next to her so that they are fleshed against one another. Her skin looks so soft that Phil wants to touch it. So he does. Phil runs his fingers lightly up her arm. He likes how soft and warm she feels under his touch.

 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. You go here right?” Phil asks.

 

“Oh I go here. I’ve seen you around. You might not remember me,” she replies.

 

“I must not have seen you before because I would definitely remember you. I think you’re really beautiful,” Phil says boldly. He really does. Her dark hair and large, dark eyes give her this air of innocence. The way her dress is hugging her curves excites him. Phil watches as the blush on her cheeks becomes more red.

 

“Thanks. I think you’re pretty handsome yourself.” She replies. Phil lifts his hand and cups her chin. They stare into each others eyes for a moment.

 

“Wow. You’re eyes are amazing,” Phil whispers. Phil watches her get a flustered look onto her face.

 

“Too yours. I mean you too. No wait-.” She’s babbling in the cutest way possible. Phil decides to end her rambling with a kiss. It was soft, sweet, and delicate. Her lips are soft and taste of cherry. Phil pulled back and looked into her eyes. A smile spread across his face. She leans forward to kiss him again. This kiss is a little more heated and forceful than the last one. Phil’s not complaining though.

 

After a few minutes of making out, Phil pulls back. He wants to go somewhere else. That way they can have more privacy to take things further. He stands up and holds his hand out. She grabs his hand. Phil walks them out of the gym and down a deserted hall. He finds an open and empty classroom. They slip inside and pull the door shut behind them.

 

Phil pushes her against the nearest wall and attacks her with his lips. His hands are cupping her face. She’s running her hands all over his body. She’s so compliant under his touch. He doesn’t want this to ever end. 

 

Phil is working his mouth down her neck. He’s leaving a trail of bruises in his wake. She is moaning out as Phil’s hands begin to wander her body. Phil slides his hand down her stomach and goes to cup her crotch. Suddenly, everything comes to a halt.

 

Phil’s mind goes into overdrive. Is that what he thinks it is? He tentatively applies more pressure. The object twitches under his touch. Phil’s eyes are wide with confusion. Dan furrows her brows at Phil’s reaction. Phil is blinking his eyes rapidly as though he tries to process the situation.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asks. Her voice is laced with confusion. Phil pulls his hand away and takes a step back.

 

“What is that?” Phil asks shakily. His breath is shallow and rapid. She tilts her head to the side and furrows her brow even more.

 

 _“_ What are you talking about?” She asks with confusion.

 

“In your underwear. Is that what I think it is?” Phil asks quietly. She casts her eyes downward.

 

“If you were thinking that it’s a penis, than you would be correct,” She says in a whisper. Phil’s eyes grow wide in shock. His mind goes almost blank. The only though he has is that she shouldn’t have a penis. He doesn’t want to believe in reality, but there is no denying now when sh-he’s confirmed it.

 

“You’re wearing a dress though,” Phil stutters out. He feels like an idiot, but his mind is short circuiting.

 

“I am aware,” He replies coldly. He crosses his arms across his chest.

 

“So you’re trans or something?” Phil asks.

 

“No, I’m just Dan,” he says.

 

“You’re what? Who?” Phil asks confused.

 

“My name is Dan. I’m gender fluid. Nothing more and nothing less. I’m just me.” Phil lets the words wash over him. He racks his brain for why that name sounds so familiar. The light bulb goes off in his head.

 

“Girly Boy?” Phil asks hesitantly.

 

“One and the same Phil.” Dan removes her mask and Phil gets a good look her. Phil’s face pales at the sight of Dan. They hold eye contact for a few tense minutes Phil slowly starts backing away with his hands held up in front of his chest like they’re going to protect him from Dan.

 

“I’m-I’m not gay,” Phil stutters out. Dan gives him a sad half smile.

 

“Apparently,” Dan says. Her voice sounds so downtrodden. Phil’s still backing away when he feels his arm scrap across the door and he grabs onto the handle. With one last look, he yanks it open and hurries out.

 

Phil rushes down the hallway. He has to get away from the school and Dan as fast as he can. He pushes people out of the way and only stops running once he’s reached his car. He doubles over and sucks air into his lungs.

 

He can barely breath and his head is spinning. Phil’s suppose to give his friends a ride home from the dance, but they can manage without him. He hops in the drivers seat and drives quickly back to his house.

 

His mother gives him a look as he sprints past her. She wasn’t expecting him home until later or sometime tomorrow morning. She just shrugs her shoulders as Phil disappears into his bedroom.

 

Phil flops onto his bed and lets out a muffled scream into his pillow. He can feel the frustration leaving his body. Confusion is taking over. He flips over and loosens the tie around his neck. He runs his hand through his ruffled hair.

 

He’s not gay. He likes girls. Yet, he just made out with a guy in a dress. Why was he wearing a dress in the first place? Phil has to admit that he looked really good in the dress. He shakes the thought from his head. He’s not gay.

 

Phil pulls himself out of bed and changes into his pajamas. He turns off his light and climbs between his covers. He can hear his phone buzzing on his side table. With a groan, he shuts it off. He can’t deal with his friends right now.

 

It takes Phil forever to fall asleep that night. His mind won’t stop replaying the events over and over again. When he finally gets to sleep, he dreams of brown eyes and soft skin.

 

Phil ignores his friends until he arrives at school on Monday. They hound him with questions about where he was. He tells them that he was sick and went home. They accept his answer, but Phil doesn’t think they believe him. He’s just happy that they don’t press the issue.

 

He doesn’t see Dan for the entire day. He hid out in the library for lunch. He enjoys the quiet and the solitude. He ignores the pressing questions and random thoughts about the boy rolling around in his head. When the bell rings at the end of the day, Phil is just excited to escape the confines of school.

 

Phil’s making his way to his locker to grab a book he forgot earlier. He takes two steps around the corner and stops dead in his tracks. His eyes are wide and locked with Dan. Dan’s stood against a locker and staring straight at him. Phil blinks at him a few times before turning around and sprinting down the hallway.

 

He runs all the way to his car. His heart pounding and his book long forgotten. He doesn’t catch his breath until he’s safely inside of his room.

 

Phil tries, and fails, to complete his homework. Seeing Dan in the hallway brought up a lot of emotions for him. He feels confused. Part of him enjoyed kissing the boy. He’s not entirely sure why nor does he want to find out why. He’s straight and should only be having feelings about girls.

 

There’s another part of him that cannot stop thinking about the boy. Phil’s annoyed and over the whole situation. He wants things to go back to how they were before.

 

Phil spends the rest of the week hiding from his friends and Dan. His friends have noticed how absent and distant he’s been lately. Phil just assures them that he’s just been really busy lately. He’s spent every lunch in the library.

 

Friday finally comes around. He’s making his way from art and looking down at his phone. Phil’s texting Aaron to meet him at the food court again. He feels like he has to tell someone what happened. He wants someone to tell him that he’s being crazy and this situation isn’t as horrible as he’s made it out to be in his head.

 

Someone bumps into Phil and sends him stumbling backwards. He’s mumbling about people needing to watch where they’re going before he hears the other person speak. The voice makes his blood run cold. He lifts his head and finds himself face to face with Dan. He opens his mouth to say something, but the words don’t come out.

 

“Phil,” Dan whispers. Phil gulps and takes a deep breath.

 

“Dan,” Phil whispers back.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After they run into each other in the hallway, emotions run wild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompted on Tumblr:
> 
> imdeletingmyinternethistory: "There's going to be a part four to the Just Dan fic right?? *slightly hyperventilating*"
> 
> A/N: I just want to take a moment and talk about a section in this story. There is a point where Dan is using she/her pronouns and Phil sees her, but I use him/his pronouns. I did this deliberately because that paragraph is from Phil’s perspective. Phil isn’t purposely being ignorant at that point because he is just unaware of the pronouns Dan is using. Also, I want to make it clear that the way Dan acts in this story doesn’t apply to all genderfluid people. This is a work of fiction and needs to be viewed as such.

The world melts away around them as they continue to stare at each other. Phil’s mind goes blank as he attempts to think of something to say. His eyes are focused on Dan’s face and he can see the emotions swirling in the boy’s eyes.

Dan’s mind is reeling at the sight of Phil because this is the most he’s seen of the other boy all week. Emotions flash through his body so rapidly that he can’t distinguish any of them.

“Dan-.” Phil starts. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth and his throat feels tight. The words fail him before he can even say them.

“Just leave me alone.” Dan huffs out. His emotions have leveled out and he’s settled on anger. Heat courses through his body and he lightly bites his tongue in order to prevent himself from lashing out.

“I just-.” Phil tries again. His words have become a mud puddle in his brain and the English language is evading him.

“You what? You just want to mock me some more? You want to bully me some more? Save it Phil.” Dan spits out. His voice is like fire and his words cut Phil deeply.

Phil doesn’t respond and Dan huffs in annoyance. He pushes past him and disappears down the hallway. Phil doesn’t watch him leave, but he can hear his angry steps fade away. He grabs his phone and types out a message.

**Phil: Meet me at the food court ASAP**

Dan rushes out the doors of the school and in the opposite direction of his house as his feet carry him quickly down the pavement. He pulls out his phone and angrily types out a message; his fingers hitting the keys harder than necessary.

**Dan: Meet me at the spot**

Phil power walks his way into the food court. It’s only sparsely populated due to it being shortly before dinner and school has just let out. Along the back wall, Phil spots Aaron sitting at a table and twirling his straw in his smoothie. He briefly considers buying one, but his emotions are all over the place and he’s unsure if he could stomach one right now.

With a huff and a flurry of limbs, Phil plops into the chair opposite of his friend. Aaron looks up and his eyes widen at Phil’s state. Phil’s eyes are wide, his hair is a mess, and his face reads of a mix of so many emotions that Aaron can’t pick a specific one out.

What’s got you all wound up?” Aaron asks. Phil’s nostrils flare as he sucks in deep breaths.

“I just and then he just and Ahh!!” Phil babbles then cries in frustration as he brings his hands up and tugs harshly at his hair. Aaron watches the display with amazement. He cautiously reaches over the table and detangles Phil’s tight grip.

“Okay. It’s okay. Start at the beginning.” Aaron says softly. In all their years of friendship, he’s never seen Phil as worked up as he is right now.

Phil takes a few deep breaths. His emotions are slightly more under his control, but not by much.

“I kissed Dan.” he slightly blurts out. It’s not the best place to start, but it’s the most important.

“You kissed Dan. The guy who you were complaining to me about just last week? The one you’ve been bullying relentlessly for months?” Aaron asks, his eyes wide with surprise. Phil nods his head.

He tells Aaron about the dance and everything that went down. Comments and questions collect on the tip of Aaron’s tongue, but he keeps his silence and lets Phil finish his tale. Phil goes on to explain everything that happened this past week; ending with the events of earlier today.

“I tried to say something or anything to him, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get my mouth to speak correctly and he was so angry. He walked away without giving me a chance.” Phil moans before dropping his head into his hands.

“I’m not surprised.” Aaron responds after a moment of silence. Phil lifts his head in surprise and narrows his eyes.

“What do you mean?” he asks, slightly afraid of what his friend has to say.

“You rejected him. He put himself out there and you shoved him away like he’s a freak. He’s not a freak, he’s a person and you crushed him. You’ve been picking on him, bullying him, and this was the ultimate rejection. I would be pissed at you too if I were him.” Aaron explains. Phil’s face twists into confusion.

“He was wearing a dress and passing himself off as a girl. That’s false advertising right there. Of course I rejected him. I’m straight.” Phil spits out. A dark shadow falls over Aaron’s face and Phil shrinks back into his seat. He can feel the fight leaving his body as Aaron’s eyes bear holes into him.

“You’re straight and that’s fine, but you’re being ignorant and small minded. So he wears dresses, there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t care if you’re straight because that has nothing to do with Dan or how he identifies. You can spin this all you want Phil, but you’re the one who’s fucked up here. Dan has done nothing wrong because he was only being himself. From what it sounds like, he liked you. He put himself on the line and you rejected him in a very dramatic way. The rejection wasn’t the problem, it’s how you did it that is. I’m ashamed of you Phil. I thought you were better than this. Lately, you’ve been nothing, but a closed minded bully who harasses people because they’re different than you. Do you even know what genderfluid means or what it entails? I bet you didn’t even bother to try to understand him. You just let your ‘underlings’ beat the crap out of the poor boy because you’re ‘too good’ to do it yourself. Let me know when you’ve grown up.” Aaron’s words come out in one giant, heated breath. Once he’s said his piece, he stands up and walks quickly away from the table.

Phil’s left in such a state of shock that it takes him a moment to realize Aaron’s departure. He whips around to look for his friend in the hopes of catching up to him, but Aaron has disappeared into the crowd. Phil turns back around and stares blankly at the wall as he tries to process everything that just transpired.

Dan sits quietly in a far corner of the park as a gentle breeze rustles the leaves of the trees above him. His hands swipe through the dying grass and his fingers tug the blades free from their roots as anger courses through his body.

Footsteps bring him back to his surroundings and he looks up at the two figures approaching him. A small smile plays on his lips as a brief moment of calm washes over him. Pj and Chris settle down cross legged across from him. They’ve been coming to this spot for years. It’s like they’re invisible clubhouse where they become the only three people in the world.

“What’s up?” Chris asks. They’re both staring at Dan’s weary figure. He’s paler than he’s been all week and his hair is disheveled from running his fingers through it so many times. His eyes are red rimmed from the tears he cried on the way to the park.

“I ran into Phil.” Dan says. His voice slightly quivers at the end.

“Do you mean literally or figuratively?” asks Pj.

“I mean literally. I was walking down the hall after class and bumped right into him. We stared at each other silently for an awkward amount of time and then he tried to say something to me. I didn’t give him a chance though. I yelled at him, walked away, and told you guys to meet me here.” Dan explains. Both Chris and Pj nod their heads.

“What did you say to him?” Pj asks.

“I asked him if he wanted to mock me or bully me some more. He didn’t say anything, but I really didn’t give him a chance.” Dan replies. Chris lets out a laugh.

“Oh watch out. Dan’s got his feisty pants on.” Chris chuckles out. Pj elbows him in the side and Chris winces before shooting Pj a look.

“What do you think he was trying to say?” Pj asks. Dan pauses for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. Pj gives him a sad, half smile.

“I’m glad you stood up for yourself, but maybe you need to hear him out.” Pj suggests. Chris swiftly turns his head and stares open mouthed at Pj.

“Are you insane Peej? Dan doesn’t need to hear anything that snake has to say. Weren’t you the one who was telling him to avoid him just last week?” Chris asks in a hurried fashion. Pj nods his head.

“That was both of us because Dan was too blind to see that Phil isn’t good for him. However, Dan also deserves an explanation, an apology, and closer.” Pj states.

“No, he needs to kick the arse right in the balls. Phil doesn’t deserve to explain himself after everything he did.” Chris counters.

“Violence will not solve anything. This was Dan’s first major crush, even if it was a slightly twisted one, and this is devastating him. I don’t want him to spend the rest of his life wondering ‘what if’ just because you want to see him punch Phil in his face.” Pj argues.

“Are you suggesting that Dan forgives him and they start dating?” Chris questions. Pj shakes his head.

“No, but I am suggesting that Dan hear him out. I, for one, don’t want to be picking Dan off the floor every time we drink and listen to him moan about why Phil did the things he did. Dan doesn’t need that and I can’t stand the thought of him going through that. I think for everyone’s sake, the two of them need to talk.” Pj explains. Chris scrunches his nose in disgust.

“I think you’re wrong. Dan will be just fine. Time will heal things and one day we’ll laugh about him having a crush on Phil. He’ll fake anger, but he’ll be laughing right along with us. Time and distance is what Dan needs; not talking.” Chris counters. They stare intently at each other and Pj opens his mouth to speak, but Dan cuts him off before he can.

“Mom! Dad! You guys don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here. I appreciate your concern for me, but it’s ultimately up to me to decide what will happen.” Dan says. They both go to protest, but Dan shakes his head.

“No, this is my issue. I’m not the fighting type so physically harming him is out of the question. I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk to him without wanting to scream, but that’s for me to decide. Let me think about it and then I’ll let you know what I decide.” Dan explains. Pj and Chris both take deep breaths, but still nod their head in agreement. Dan’s proven time and time again that he’s going to do something whether they think it’s a good idea or not. All they can do is be there for their friend and that’s exactly what they plan on doing. Dan smiles widely at them.

“Now that it’s settled, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Please distract me.” Dan says, his voice slightly pleading at the end. They smile at him and Chris launches into a funny anecdote about something that happened in class.

Phil drags himself home reluctantly and flops onto his bed. His mind replays his conversation with Aaron over and over again. He’s never seen his friend so angry at him. He flips over and stares at his ceiling.

_“Do you even know what genderfluid means or what it entails?”_ Aaron’s voice repeats yet again in his head. Phil shakes his head. He actually has no idea what the term means or anything that pertains to it. Aaron was right about him being ignorant. Dan’s identity has nothing to do with him, but he blatantly shut him down and pushed him away. Truthfully, the unknown scares him quite a lot.

Phil grabs his laptop and opens Google. Four hours later, Phil has worked himself down a rabbit hole. He shuts his laptop and stares at the ceiling once again.

His search lead him to various parts of the internet. Phil has realized that he is ignorant about a lot of things. Questions swirl inside his mind and a sudden desire to talk to Dan runs through him. He has so many questions for him and things he wants to discuss.

A text message from Joe interrupts his thoughts. He’s inviting him to a party, but Phil declines and doesn’t feel a hint of regret. Usually, Phil is at a party every weekend, but he hasn’t gone out the last couple of weeks and has been hiding from his friends.

There’s a part of him that feels ashamed for everything that went on at the dance and he’s knows his friends will mock him relentlessly for it. There’s another part of him that’s been wondering why he’s actually friends with them. They’re loud, popular, and the life of the party so Phil sees the appeal. However, they’re horribly shallow people who bully those who are different or beneath them.

Since Aaron moved away, he’s been hanging with this group of people. He watches his life from that moment until now like it’s a movie playing out on his ceiling and realization hits Phil like a ton of bricks. He’s become exactly like them. He’s become shallow, self centered, and a bully.

Phil rolls to his side and hugs his pillow tightly to his chest. Tears slide down his cheeks and he does nothing to stop them or the sobs that are now shaking his body. He used to be a person who was kind to everyone and cared about every living creatures. Now, he’s just spent God knows how long bullying people for being themselves. An hallow feeling settles into Phil’s chest and he cries even harder.

Dan lays on his side across his bed and stares blankly at his television. His eyes are watching the show, but his brain isn’t processing anything he’s seeing. His mind is too preoccupied with his earlier conversation with Pj and Chris.

He can see both sides of their argument. While he doesn’t believe he could physically harm Phil, he wouldn’t mind making him suffer. That’s not the type of person he is though. Dan is more inline with Pj. They both would rather use their words than lack of brawn to win a battle. Chris isn’t much stronger than them, but he’s quicker at dodging attacks than they are.

He would love to just move on and put this whole situation behind him, but a tiny voice in the back of his mind is telling him that he can’t. Dan wants to try to understand Phil’s reaction, why he’s been weird all week, and the burning desire for closer that has been simmering underneath his skin since he heard Pj suggest it.

A frown graces his lips after the end of his thought. Phil humiliated him and rejected him. He has done nothing, but bully him for months. Dan realizes that he was so blinded by his crush that he couldn’t see what an awful human being Phil is. He can feel the anger beginning to bubble up inside him and he pushes it back down. This isn’t a time to give into his emotions, it’s a time to think rationally about things. By the time that he goes to sleep, Dan is no closer to a solution than he was at the start.

Phil bolts straight up in bed the next morning. His chest is heaving and his fringe is sticking to the perspiration on his forehead. The nightmare he just came out of still plays in his head.

He dreamed that he was at the dance standing in the middle of the room. Everyone was standing around him and either murmuring or pointing their fingers in his direction. He looked down and recognized his clothes as the dress Dan had worn.

Dan stepped through the crowd and stared directly at him. His arms are folded tightly across his chest. The crowd suddenly roared as “Girly Boy” is chanted. Phil believes their chanting about Dan, but no one else seemed to notice him. People fazed right through him as the stepped closer in Phil’s direction.

Phil stared as Dan’s face split into two clear emotions. His mouth twisted into a satisfied smirk as if he’s trying to look like he’s enjoying the spectacle, but his eyes hold his true feelings. They were filled with sadness and pitty. As the crowd descended on him in payback for the hell he’s made their lives, Dan’s voice calling his name reached him. However, it’s too late and Phil is swallowed up by the masses.

He climbs our of bed and lumbers towards the bathroom. He throws on the shower and grabs his phone while he waits for it to heat up. Once he’s sent his desired message, he steps under the spray in a desire to wash the remnants of the nightmare away.

**Phil: I’m going to talk to Dan**

****Dan drifts listlessly through the rest of the weekend. He’s talked extensively to Pj, and to a lesser extent Chris, about the situation with Phil. Both are still pretty firm in their positions and the whole thing makes Dan’s head spin.

By late Sunday night, Dan is no closer to a decision then he was on Friday. His two choices are either to ignore Phil or to confront him. He isn’t one for confrontation, but the idea of closer is extremely appealing. The waring inside of him is giving a headache.

**Dan: I think I’m going to ignore Phil**

**Pj: Are you sure?**

**Dan: Yeah. I don’t think I’m in a position right now to hear him out without getting mad.**

**Pj: That’s up to you then.**

**Dan: I’m not saying that I won’t talk to him down the road but right now it’s what’s the best for me.**

**Pj: Alright. Good luck.**

****The next morning, Dan is standing in front of her mirror looking over her outfit. She would rather be wearing anything else then her scratchy, constricting uniform, but she doesn’t have a choice. Her mind floats back to two weeks before when everything started and she feels a rush of déjà vu. She can’t believe it’s only been two weeks because it feels like forever.

She gives herself a final once over before reluctantly dragging herself to school. A bit of make up hides the bags under her eyes and she hopes that even with her red bow holding back her hair, she’ll be able to disappear into the crowds.

Everything is going swimmingly until right before lunch. Dan rounds the corner and stops dead in her tracks. Phil is standing just a few feet down at his locker. She looks quickly steps back to escape before he sees her, but her feet become tangled and she crashes to the ground.

Phil pulls his head out of his locker in search of the noise. Dan is sitting on the ground a few feet away from him with a frown on his face. Phil cannot contain his elation because this means he doesn’t have to track him down.

“Dan!” Phil cries as he closes the distance between them. Dan cowers slightly at the smile on Phil’s face.

“What do you want Phil?” Dan growls as she pulls herself off the ground.

“Are you alright?” Phil asks with concern. Dan’s eyes narrow at him.

“I’m fine. Why do you care?” Dan snaps. Phil bites his lip. He knows he deserves Dan’s harsh words, but that doesn’t help them sting any less.

“I want to talk to you.” Phil says, ignoring Dan’s question. Dan looks at him with confusion.

“Why would you want to do that?” Dan asks, her voice still dripping with heat.

“I want to apologize to you, talk to you about some things, and ask you some questions.” Phil explains.

“Why would you want to do that? So you can tell people what a freak you think I am?” Dan hisses. Phil shakes his head.

“No. I genuinely want to talk to you about the dance and everything. I swear.” Phil says. Dan can hear the slight plead in his voice. Phil appears to be genuine, but recent events make her apprehensive for good reason.

“So talk if you want to talk.” Dan replies, trying to sound bored. Phil shakes his head.

“Not here. Somewhere more private would be better.” Phil says. Dan’s eyes narrow.

“Are you ashamed to be seen with me?” Dan asks.

“No. I just have a feeling that this is going to be a long discussion and that we would both be more comfortable somewhere else.” Phil reasons. Dan pauses for a moment. Phil’s genuine approach is throwing her completely off. She nods.

“Fine. We can talk. Meet me at the coffee house on Lycen at five.” Dan says. Phil smiles.

“I can’t wait.” he says. The sound of the bell brings an end to their conversation and Phil walks off towards the library. Dan watches his retreating figure and wonders what she’s gotten herself into.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it you guys. The story has finally come to an end. I hope you enjoyed reading this series as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also, I want to make it clear that the way Dan acts in this story doesn’t apply to all genderfluid people. This is a work of fiction and needs to be viewed as such.

By the time Phil get to the cafe, the sky has become overcast and a slight chilled breeze drifts through the air. The flannel shirt he's wearing is barely keeping him warm and he wraps his arms around himself. The combination of nerves and chilly air has caused him to shiver.

He pauses on the pavement and peers inside. A warm, inviting amber light spills through the windows. People move around in a relaxed manner as if the world has ceased to exist outside. Phil enters and is immediately overpowered by the scent of coffee and baked goods. Warmth begins to to spread throughout his chilled body.

 Dan's sitting in the corner of the cafe in an overstuffed armchair. There’s a latte cooling on the coffee table in front of him. He picks it up and curls his hands around the mug. His eyes dart to the door everytime it opens. Then he  releases his held breath once he realizes that it isn't Phil.

As he was to talk himself out the meeting for the eighth time, the door opens once again. Dan's breath catches and his throat constricts as his eyes sweep over Phil. Dark skinny jeans cling tight to his legs and his red flannel shirt fits to his upper body as if it's a second skin. His eyes are wide as he scans the space and elation lights up his face when he catches sight of Dan. He waves at him, when holds up a finger to ask him to hold on while getting in the queue. Dan nods and lets out his held breath.

Phil grabs his drink from the pick-up and weaves his way through the space. He's sitting stiff on the edge of his chair while holding his mug tight between his sweater paws. The grey sweater he's wearing tapers int to accent his slender waist. A black knitted hat slouches on the back of his hair and he absently keeps checking that it's there. Phil smiles at this and plops down in the opposite chair.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to come." Dan says after a few moments of silence. Phil sits up straighter in his chair. 

"I begged you for a meeting and it would be pretty stupid of me to not show up for it." Phil responds. Dan narrows his eyes at him and sends him a look that says 'That's completely something you would do.' Phil shakes his head and a light laugh slips through his lips. "I know, but that the past me. I've changed."

"I find that very hard to believe." Dan replies, his voice is flat and has an edge to it. Phil bites his lip and shifts his eyes off Dan. An awkward pause blooms between them and Phil clears his throat.

"That's why I asked to meet you. A friend of mine has recently pointed out that I've been really unfair and ignorant to you. I would like to correct that." he explains. Dan nods, then shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He takes a long, slightly loud sip of his now lukewarm coffee.

"So what do you want to know?" Dan asks. His voice comes out more shaky than he meant it to. Phil pats his pants before pulling a folded up piece of paper out of his back pocket. With a few flicks of his wrists, the paper lays unfolded in his hands. Dan lets out a snort. "You actually wrote a list?" he asks with a chuckle.

 "Yes, I didn't want to forget anything." Phil responds defensively. Dan holds up his hands in surrender.

"Chill man. It's a question." Dan states. Phil closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." Phil apologizes. Dan shrugs. His eyes glance towards the windows to register the fading light. Truthfully, he wants to get this over so he can return to the safety of his bed. “I mean it. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been treating you. You don’t deserve that. Just because I’m being an ignorant arse doesn’t mean that I have to subject you or others to that type of behavior.” Phil’s words come out in a voice that sounds genuine and Dan’s taken aback by the whole thing.

“Um. Thank you for saying so.” Dan manages to get his own words out with minimal fumbling. Phil smiles and Dan gives him a small one in return. They end up staring at each other for roughly a minute.

Dan clears his throat, breaking the silence that had settled over both of them. Phil diverts his eyes away, taking a long sip from his cup. “So what are your questions?” Dan inquires, trying to steer them back to why they’re here. Phil sets his cup down and settles his list into both of his hands. He’s hoping that Dan doesn’t notice the slight shake of his fingers.

“What does being genderfluid mean to you?” Dan wrinkles his nose at the question in a way that tells Phil he doesn’t understand it. “I guess I mean how you would define being genderfluid to yourself?” Phil asks, feeling lucky that his voice sounds steady. Even though he’s already here, he’s starting to second guess himself. Part of him thinks this is all a huge mistake and is trying to convince the rest of him to run as far away from Dan as he can. The other half of Phil is telling him to suck it up and deal with it. This is most likely the only chance he will have to get answers to his questions and make amends with Dan. Each side is making a compelling argument, but Phil’s willing himself to stay put.

Dan snorts, then claps his hand over his nose and mouth with his eyes spread wide. Phil bites on his lower lip. “Sorry,” Dan apologizes. “It sounded like an interview question. I didn’t mean to be rude.” Phil shakes his head.

“It’s alright. It kinda is. I mean I saw it, or a variation or it, in an interview with someone who identifies as genderfluid. I can’t remember who though, but I just thought it would give us a good starting place.” Phil explains. Dan nods, then shrugs.

“I guess it’s who I am. It’s really more of a word to help me explain who I am. I feel like both a girl and a boy, depending on the day or my mood. I move along the identity spectrum.” Dan answers, hoping it’s the response that Phil’s looking for. Phil nods and Dan figures he didn’t do too bad.

“When did you realize that you are genderfluid?” is Phil’s next question. Dan tells of  being different as a child. He talks about wanting to experience more feminine things. His parents were supportive about his exploration. This leads into questions about Dan’s friends and family. That, in turn, leads to questions about clothing preferences. Phil smiles along, absorbing information, and asking whatever pops into his head. Time slips away from them and darkness settles over the town.

“I need to get going.” Dan says, glancing out of the window at the darken sky. Phil nods.

“I do too. Thank you for this.” Phil says with a smile. Dan gives him a small smile in return.

“If I’m honest, this wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be.” Dan confesses, setting his mug in the return bin.

Phil smiles widely. “I’m glad to hear that. We could hang out like this again sometime.” he says with hope. Dan pinches his mouth tight, the gears in his head turning.

“Maybe. We will have to see.” Dan says in a noncommittal fashion. Phil nods, but a small bit of disappointment takes root in his chest. He would like to hang out with Dan again, but his brain reminds him that he has a long way to go to fix everything.

“Hello?” Pj asks. Dan takes a deep breath.

“I met with Phil.” Dan says, his words rushed together.

“I thought you were going to ignore him.” Pj states. Dan sighs.

“I was, but I changed my mind. I’m allowed to do that.” Dan snarks. Pj snorts.

“Alright. Calm down dude. It’s a question. So what happened?” Pj asks.

“We ran into each other in the hallway and he begged me to talk. I gave in and we met for coffee. I got home from that a moment ago. Now I’m talking to you.” Dan states. Pj snorts.

“Okay, but what did you talk about?” Pj asks.

“About what being genderfluid is like and what it means to me. He actually had questions written down. From what I gathered, he did research at some point. We talked about a bunch of stuff about my life.” Dan informs him.

Pj hums. “How was it?” he asks.

“Not bad. I actually had fun at one point.” Dan says.

“Be careful.” Pj warns.

“Aren’t I always?” Dan questions.

“Well-.” Pj starts, but trails off. Dan huffs.

“Oh hush it.” Dan says before hanging up the phone.

Things seemed to have changed for the better. Aaron and Phil had reconnected after a brief hiatus. Dan and Phil were pleasant to each other at school. Chris and Pj were trying their best to be supportive of Dan’s new found friendship with his former bully.

Dan’s crush was another matter though. It had dissipated slightly after the dance fiasco. The longer that Dan spent in Phil’s company, the stronger it came back.

“Be careful. If he could bully you once, he could do it again.” Pj warned. Dan nodded along, but the words went in one ear and out the other. Phil had changed for the better; Dan was adamant about it.

Dan and Phil were spending more time outside of school together. They met for coffee, took walks in the park, and hung out at each other’s houses. The longer they spent together, the more they learned about each other. They discovered that they share matching passion of reality television and video games. With each passing day, Dan slipped deeper into his crush. To an outsider, it looked like they’re dating each other. Even Pj and Chris questioned Dan on the subject, but he denied it. He had hope though.

Hope is a fragile thing and trust is even more delicate. Everything can be shattered in mere moments and with a few slips of the tongue. Dan rounds the corner in school, heading to home for the day. He comes to a halt. Phil’s backed up against the lockers. Gary and Joe are standing in front of him, pinning him in place. The group hasn’t noticed Dan yet.

“Admit it.” Gary growls.

“Admit what? There’s nothing to admit.” Phil shoots back.

“Admit you’re dating that Girly Boy fag.” Joe demands. Dan bites his lip, stopping him from making a noise. Phil scoffs.

“What are you two even on about?” Phil asks. Gary and Joe roll their eyes.

“We saw you on Saturday. You were at the cafe with Girly Boy and you both looked pretty chummy.” Joe states. Phil thinks back to Saturday.

They had gone to the cafe in the afternoon. They were both craving coffee and a break from their wandering around the shops. The only seat available was a small couch. They were sitting pretty close to each other, but that’s how they always sit; in each other’s spaces.

“It wasn’t like that. We were having coffee.” Phil states. Gary and Joe give matching unconvinced looks.

“Sure you were. Word around is you’ve been spending a lot of time around him. Did you take him home to fuck him?” Gary asks. Phil shakes his head. They did end up at Phil’s after the coffee shop, but to play video games.

“It’s not like that. There’s nothing going on between us.” Phil says.

“Deny all you want, but we see ya. You’re turning into a faggy boy.” Joe states. Phil narrows his eyes.

“No I’m not.” Phil insists.

“Must be to be able to spend all that time around Girly Boy.” Gary spits out. Phil can see Joe cracking his knuckles out of the corner of his eye. Gary pulls his hand back, curling his fingers into a fist.

Phil starts to panic. Gary and Joe look as if they’re about to beat the crap out of him. “I’m not. I barely even like the kid.” The words slipping out of Phil’s mouth unprocessed. A loud gasp echoes through the hall and three heads turn in the direction of the sound. Dan’s still standing in the entrance of the hallways with his mouth open wide.

“Well, well, well. Look who it is, Girly Boy. Didn’t your mumma teach you that it’s rude to eavesdrop?” Gary sneers.

In the blink of an eye, Gary and Joe descend onto Dan. Phil’s standing where they left him, frozen in place and a horrified look on his face. The bullies push Dan to the ground and start kicking him. The whole attack lasts a few minutes, but it feels like ages for both Dan and Phil.

It didn’t take long for Gary and Joe to get bored. They toss Phil one last look before disappearing down the hall. Phil finally breaks out of his stupor and rushes to Dan’s side. Dan’s slowly pulling himself off the ground, already feeling where bruises will form.

“Dan? Are you okay?” Phil asks with concern.

“Fuck off.” Dan spits out. He winces as he stretches out his sore torso.

“Dan? Please?” Phil pleads. He reaches out and lays a hand on Dan’s shoulder. Dan shrugs him off and starts making his way out of the building. Phil walks next to him.

“I said fuck off! Fucking leave me alone you wanker!” Dan yells. Phil stops in his tracks, unsure of what to do. He watches Dan hobble out the door.

Dan shoots off a text to Pj and Chris, then collapses on his bed. Hot, angry tears spill from his eyes. He clings to his pillow as he sobs.

“Dan? Dan? Wake up.” a soothing voice coos. Dan blinks a few times. The sky outside his window is showing the first rays of the sunset. His eyes itch and his body is stiff. He must have cried himself to sleep. When he sits up, he notices Pj and Chris sitting on either side of the bed.

“Are you okay?” Chris asks. Pj rubs comforting circles into Dan’s back and Dan sags into him, shaking his head.

“What happened?” Pj whispers. Dan’s breath hitches and a few tears slide down his cheeks as he remembers.

“Gary and Joe beat me up.” Dan whispers. Pj and Chris nod in understanding. Since Phil’s stopped bullying Dan, Gary and Joe have taken over with earnest.

“Anything else?” Pj asks with suspicion. Dan appears far too upset for getting kicked a few times.

“Phil didn’t stop them.” Dan whispers back.

“Phil was there?” Chris asks. Dan nods. Pj and Chris share a surprised look before turning to look at Dan.

“Yeah he was. They cornered him in the hall and questioned him about why we’ve been hanging out. I happened to come across them on my way out the building. Phil denied that there was anything going on between us. They said all this horrible stuff about him. He said he didn’t even like me. That’s when I made a noise and they saw me. Then, Gary and Joe kicked the crap out of me. Phil stood by and watched.” Dan explains. Pj circles his arms around Dan and pulls him into a hug. Chris pats Dan’s leg sympathetically.

“He didn’t do anything?” Chris asks. Dan shakes his head.

“No. He stood there. I guess he really didn’t like me very much.” Dan says. They lapse into a brief silence.

“Was there anything going on between the two of you?” Chris asks. Pj shoots him a pointed look and Chris give him a bewildered look in return. Dan shrugs.

“Not really. We had gotten close, but there wasn’t anything romantic between us. At least not on his end.” Dan states. Pj and Chris share a grimace.

Phil shows up to school the next day looking like he hadn’t slept the night before. He hadn’t. The guilt of not helping Dan plagued him and his horrible words played like a broken record in his mind. He actually likes Dan a lot; not in a romantic sense, but as a friend.

He didn’t see Dan at all the day or the next either. Phil tried to find him, but he figured Dan was trying to avoid him on purpose. The weekend came and Phil showed up at Dan’s home, but he was turned away. His attempts were for not. It appears as though Dan had dropped off the face of the earth.

Dan didn’t attend school the day after the beating, but he went out of his way hide from Phil. The knife of betrayal stuck deep in his chest and Dan made no movement to dislodge it.

Phil felt he was going crazy. He couldn’t find Dan anywhere and he couldn’t get ahold of him. He broke down and cornered Pj; questioning him about Dan’s state and whereabouts.

“If he wanted you to know about him, he would let you know. Dan’s extremely forgiving, but you might have crushed your olive branch.” Pj states. His voice is level, but his tone has a hint of cold.

“I understand. Let him know that I feel awful and that I would like to apologise.” Phil says mournfully. Pj nods.

Dan knew that his luck couldn’t last forever. He’s coming from his last class, passing through the stairwell when he bumps into someone. He stumbles back a few steps, but is grateful to not have fallen to the ground.

Phil’s passing through the stairwell, trying to sneak out the back of the school. He had spotted Gary and Joe waiting for him at the front entrance. He’s been ducking them since the incident, stalling after school or sneaking out the back.

“I’m sorry.” Phil apologises to the person he bumped into. He looks up and bites back a smile.

Dan looks up and frowns. Phil’s standing across from him, failing to hide a smile. Dan rolls his eyes and sighs. “It’s you.” he snarks.

“Dan-.” Phil starts, but trails off. Dan huffs in annoyance.

“Move.” Dan says, trying to step around Phil. Phil steps directly in his path, stopping him.

“Dan please.” Phil pleads. Dan shakes his head.

“No. No ‘Dan please’. You have no right.” Dan spits out.

“I’m sorry.” Phil cries out.

“I don’t care. I tried, I really tried. I liked you. I liked you both as a romantic interest and as a friend. You’ve hurt me one too many times.” Dan confesses. Phil has a sharp inhale.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t stop them. I sorry for what I said. I’m sorry.” Phil rushes out.

“I don’t care! Don’t you understand? Don’t you get it? You’re not worth my time or my affection. You had chance after chance and you set it ablaze. You didn’t care about me. When it came time to stick up for me or our friendship, you reverted back to your old ways. You hid behind a facade. I don’t know you. Leave me alone. Forget about me.” Dan says. He pushes past Phil and walks down the hallway.

Phil’s taken aback by Dan’s words. He knows Dan is right. He had chances and he blew it by reverting back to his old self. He has no one else to blame, but himself. Phil stands like a statue as he watches Dan’s retreating figure and he feels his heart break.


End file.
